Father, Will You Run To Me?

"How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart?

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I've said goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why
'Cause I'm on my knees begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?

One tear in the driving rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One light, that's all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Won't You come close and hold my heart?

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain

I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name

To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One light, that's all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Won't You come close and hold my heart?

Hold my heart, could You hold my heart?

Hold my heart."

-Tenth Avenue North, "Hold My Heart". I am in love with this song. ♥♥♥♥♥ Go listen to it likerightnow.

(Many many many thanks to my darling KD for making me listen to it in the first place.)

~Bex

You Know You're A Nerd When...

...you spend your precalculus class programming values for different letters into your calculator to help you win an argument about whether waffles or pancakes are better. (Incidentally, it's waffles. This is non-negotiable. Waffles are infinitely better than pancakes. Period. The end.) My calculator then confirmed for me that WAFFLES > PANCAKES is a true equation, PANCAKES = 0, and WAFFLES = 42. (Incidentally, 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. If waffles = 42, and 42 = life, the universe, and everything, then according to the law of syllogism, waffles = life, the universe, and everything.)

...you can come up with equations like that and not consider yourself a math nerd because your brain is too occupied by being a word nerd.

...you get freakishly excited when the answers on a ScanTron sheet make patterns. Especially when said pattern is A, B, C, D, D, C, B, A. (♥ RF, MM, JA).

...you have an odd fascination with making lists like this.

That concludes my list (for now; I'm sure you'll see more lists like this in the future. I make lists a lot.), but I also have a song to share with you all. My very good friend CH (whose blog, Your Daily Cup of HaufeCoffee, I've linked to several times) introduced me to "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train a while ago, and it's been stuck in my head all day. And I'm actually okay with this, because it's an excellent song. You should listen to it.

"Hey soul sister, ain't that Mister Mister on the radio, stereo? The way you move ain't fair, you know. Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do...tonight."

Unfortunately, I have also had a somewhat less enjoyable song stuck in my head today. Thanks to my darling AF (whom I do love dearly even if she did get this song stuck in my head), I have caught myself singing "Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend..." over and over today.  Rawr.

Don't go listen to that one. Listen to "Hey, Soul Sister" instead. Meanwhile, I am going to go eat tacos. Because even though waffles = life, the universe, and everything, tacos are just pure awesome. (If you are AF, CJ, or KD: don't you DARE leave a comment about onions. I love you guys...)

Catch y'all later. Love,
Bex

I Can't Be Who You Are

The title of this post comes from the Linkin Park song I promised you last night. The song Leave Out All the Rest was actually on the soundtrack for the film Twilight -- but don't worry, even if you absolutely detest sparkly vampires and overdramatic paranormal romances, the song is fantastic. The reason I like it? Lyrics like this:

"I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through; I've never been perfect, but neither have you..."

And like this:

"Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well; pretending someone else can come and save me from myself. I can't be who you are..."

I absolutely adore this song, I really do. And you should go listen to it now. It's a fairly chill song, too, not nearly as screamy as Numb (although that is another fantastic song that you should listen to). "Leave Out All the Rest" = ♥.

And that was really going to be it for musical recommendations today. I had it stuck in my head all day yesterday but I didn't want to just tack it on after the ski trip stuff, so that was gonna be today's post. Only my dear friend KD (♥!!!) attended a concert called Winter Jam while I was on the ski trip, and because she is a fantastic person she brought me a poster from an amaaazing band called Fireflight.

So now I have their song Unbreakable stuck in my head. This, too, is an amazing song. You should listen to it. Again with the fabulous lyrics:

"God, I want to dream again, take me where I've never been. I want to go there - this time I'm not scared. Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakeable, no one can touch me, nothing can stop me..."

Go listen.

And now, I must go work on my thesis homework. I have two excellent new books on screenwriting to look through, and another page of lit review to write up before tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Catch ya later,
Bex

Home Sweet Home

The three words that best describe skiing: cold, exhausting, and fun. I had a lovely time skiing, once I finally got the hang of it. I will confess that Saturday morning (my first-ever time on skis) I was almost in tears because I could not figure out what I was doing. But by that evening I could handle the bunny slope no problem, and by the end of yesterday I was even going down some of the ones labeled "More Difficult." Twas quite fun. If you have never been skiing...try it if you get the chance!

But ohmygoodness it was cold. I counted at one point, and realized I was wearing 21 articles of clothing and my fingers were still numb. I think the highest the temperature got on Saturday was 19 degrees Fahrenheit. It was 14 when we got to Winterplace (the ski resort). And that's West Virginia. If I'm considering a college in Ohio, I'll have to get used to the cold.

Still though. Skiing was quite awesome. Here are a couple of pictures I've borrowed from the youth group's blog, although I'm not gonna post any with faces, because that's stalkerish:

So yes, the ski trip was quite amazing. And now that I'm home, I'm looking forward to 1) warming up, and 2) WATCHING THE OLYMPICS. Ski jumps that I could never, ever, ever do? Yesplease. But my personal favorite? ICE SKATING.

Oh my goodness gracious YES. Teehee. I wish I could skate like that.

Also, yesterday morning one of my ski-trip roommates KW woke us all up with a special Singles Awareness Day song. Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift has been stuck in my head ever since then. (I'll have another song rec for y'all tomorrow that's less country-y. Like, Linkin Park kind of less country-y.)

In that vein, I wish you all Happy President's Day and Happy Day-Late Singles Awareness Day (Valentine's Day, if you didn't know, although it's a ridiculously commercialized holiday). More after my nap(/homework). Love,

Bex

Skiing!

Skiing is a really weird word, probably because it has a double i. Seriously, how many words do you know that have a double i? It's weird. But weird word or not, skiing is what I'll be doing this weekend. I've never been skiing before, and really the only time I've encountered much snow is the one weekend we spent in four or five inches of the stuff in Tennessee several years back.

Of course, if I end up going to the college I've been considering in Ohio, that will probably change, but that's still a year and half away, so it's kind of irrelevant right now.

But back to skiing. My youth group leaves right after school tomorrow to head up to West Virginia, where we will spend the weekend at a ski resort called Winterplace and...well...go skiing. It should be fun, I'm pretty excited about getting to ski. I'll just have to hope I don't accidentally break my legs or something. There are many adjectives that describe me, but "coordinated" is not one of them. I'm a little concerned about the fact that twenty-one degrees Fahrenheit is the high temperature - I'm one of those people who hates being cold - but hopefully I'll stay warm enough in the five and a half billion layers of clothes my mom has decided I am bringing. (Okay, so maybe five and a half billion is a bit of an exaggeration. And maybe I didn't contest her decision too much. But still.)

Given that I'll be out of town all weekend, this is the last blog post you'll get until Monday. (I know, I know, you're heartbroken. I'm sorry. I'll try very hard to have something interesting for you when I return.) I don't have any new books to recommend to you for this weekend, but I've given you three over the last few days that should keep you busy until then. (@ KD and CJ - you will TEXT ME as soon as you finish HUSH, HUSH. Because by then you'll understand exactly how much I love Patch. :] ) I do, however, have a song for you all. It's one I first heard through KD a long time ago but it's been stuck in my head today:

"So glide away on soapy heels, and promise not to promise anymore, and if you come around again then I will take the chain from off the door..."

From The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson. Go listen. Likenow. Warning, though: it will nom your brain. As my dear friend JH once said: "It's fricking nom-ing my neurons, man!"

On that note, I leave you for the weekend. Have a great one! Love,
Bex

Hush, Hush

Oh my gosh. Ohhhh my gosh. So I finished reading HUSH, HUSH today. And I'm kinda speechless. It was absolutely AMAZING.

At first I thought it was going to be just another dark fantasy romance novel. They're good, not amazing, but good. And seriously, I have never been so glad to be wrong. I fell in love with the story from the very first chapter, and it just got better from there.

Patch Cipriano is the ultimate bad boy, and he's also kinda perfect in that dark, flawed way. Let's just say he ranks on my list of Amazing Fictional Guys with Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Sam Roth (Shiver), and Jace Wayland (City of Bones). You'll hear more about that list later. Promise.

Anyway, we meet Patch because he is Nora Grey's lab partner. Nora is not at all happy with this arrangement, because Patch is creepy - and also strangely magnetic. She feels drawn to him in a way she can't explain and doesn't at all like. So when a man in a ski mask starts stalking her, she can't help but suspect Patch, especially when she starts hearing him in her mind. I can't say anything more without giving out any spoilers, which I absolutely refuse to do, but ohmygosh you should read this book.

And the cover! The cover is beautiful, don't you think?

So yes. I am officially in love with Patch, and I cannot WAIT to find out what happens in the sequel. According to author Becca Fitzpatrick's website and blog, the second book, CRESCENDO, is due out in fall of 2010. I can tell you right now, I'll be looking for it.  ♥♥♥

That's all I've got for right now, folks, because I have two tests to study for (Chemistry and Spanish. oh the joys). But if you can get to a library (or if you are KD, SH, or someone else who knows me personally and sees me on a daily basis to borrow it from), get your hands on a copy of HUSH, HUSH. You'll be glad you did.

Much love,
Bex

Spies and Signatures

Due to the nature of my current work-in-progress, I've been thinking a lot about spies lately. What technology do they use? How are they trained? Where do they go to college? What sort of missions do they go on? What different roles are there within the CIA? and so on and so forth.

This story, unlike most of the stuff I write, already has a story arc in place. I know how the plot is basically going to play out, and I know what major events have to happen in the middle to get it there. And even knowing that, I'm not bored with it, because I don't know exactly what Chelsey's going to do for that to happen; I just have a very general idea.

I think this is good for me. It has a structure, but it's not suffocatingly specific. I can definitely see this story going somewhere.

So then I got to thinking. What would happen if I did finish it and get it published? What if it happened soon? It would be kind of amazingly cool to be published at sixteen (although even if I finish in the next month or two - which WILL NOT happen because of senior thesis and the fact that I'm only on draft 1 - I'd be seventeen by the time it could go anywhere). It would be kind of ridiculously awesome to be a novelist while still in high school. I don't have my heart set on it or anything; I know publishing is a difficult industry to break into, and honestly, if I have to wait until I'm an adult for that to happen, that's cool. I'd rather wait until I have something worth publishing. No rush. But still.

And then I kind of slipped into daydreams, which I tend to do quite often. I imagined walking into Barnes & Noble (my favorite store of all time) and browsing for something new to read and seeing my book (with a decent title and an awesome cover) sitting on the "New Releases" shelf with all the other books, and having someone pick it up to browse through it and seeing the "about the author" tab with my picture, then slowly turning and seeing me...

At this point in my dream world, the random stranger says something like "Ohmygosh. You're the person who wrote this book!"

Me: *some cool response*

Random Stranger: "I read a library copy of your book the other day and I sat down and read the whole thing in one night. It was amazing, I just had to have my own copy!"

Me: "Aww, thanks! That's so nice of you. I'm really glad you enjoyed it."

Random Stranger: "Could you sign it for me?"

Me: "Of course!"

And then I would pull a pen from my purse (I would have one; even in the Real World I carry a pen with me at all times) and autograph a book - my book! - for this person. And it would be very cool and professional and it would make me happy.

Of course, it's not the most plausible scenario. But hey - it could happen, right? And it's always nice to have dreams, no matter how unlikely they may be.

Never mind the fact that the signature I've been practicing on the backs of my history notes isn't mine. *cough* I mean, of course I haven't been signing Chelsey's name all over my schoolwork, trying to pin down her perfect handwriting...what a silly idea. Ha, ha! *whistles innocently*

Unfortunately, daydreaming/living in my characters' heads often means that I look up to realize it's 10:17 PM and my Senior Thesis homework isn't done yet. Of course, that's purely hypothetical...

Or not. Must go. Much love,
Bex